All the things you never wanted to know...

The Mysterious Books-based on a true story

2006-10-17T15:33:00.000-04:00

Once Upon a Time (about a month ago), there was a girl named Theresa who traveled to the far off land of Texas. She was on a quest to visit the strange and mysterious University of Dallas where all of her theatrical friends were held captive until they were able to complete their studies and be freed from the school's clutches. Her friends were sad that she was not returning to the place and they didn't know how they would get along without her, so she went to visit them to give them the strength they would need to endure their long hard journey. While she was there she had a merry old time, going to the playground at midnight, helping poor inexperienced freshmen learn the ropes of the costume shop, and generally making people lives brighter because she was there. She had another mission while in Texas and that mission was to find a way to get all of her stuff back home in one piece. She spent two days and nights finding boxes and other packing materials and filled the boxes with her books, shoes, and other mythical junk that had accumulated during her stay. After carefully filling each and every box, she addressed them to herself at home and sent them on their way.
After several tears were shed, she said goodbye to her friends and went to the airport to return to her east coast abode. (She had trouble with the large, stupid dragon who was supposed to pick her up from the airport and then decided not to becasue he would rather watch his stupid favorite football team lose than help out a friend, but the dragon is another story for another time.......) Anyway, one day, Theresa's minion brother called her at work to inform her that her boxes had arrived. She was so glad, for now she could finally restore all of her items to their proper place in her room....or so she thought. Everything was going fine until she got to a brightly colored balloon box that was sent to her by the princess, her sister-in-law for her birthday earlier that year. When she sent the box home, it was filled with the magazines that she had bought over the school year. She picked up the bok to open it, but noticed that there was a little tear in the box. Thinking nothing of it, she continued to open the box and saw that her magazines were gone, and in their place were five completely random books that were not hers. In stead of a pile of InStyle magazine she had: Crime and Punishment, a book on modern day China, a fictional novel about Teddy Roosevelt, a thriller/romance novel, and a Dr. Seuss book (One fish, Two fish, Red fish, Blue fish in case you were wondering). This astounded the girl becasue these were not the articles she herself packed into the box. She looked carefully at the box. Yes, it was hers alright, but where did these come from? She stood looking in amazement staring at these books, wondering what happened and thought of how funny this must be to the poor person whose books these actually are. What must be going through their minds when they open their box only to find tips on how to have the perfect hairstyle for any face and what shoes are in this season.
Perhaps no one will ever know what happened at the post office, or who switched her things or why, but even to this day, if you look at her bookshelf you can see these strange books who have lost their owner sitting on her bookshelf. Maybe these books contain hidden pleas for help from some poor captive somewhere, I don't know. But if this is not a case for Unsolved Mysteries, then I have lost all faith in humanity.
The End.

New Heights of iNsaniTy

2006-08-25T10:59:00.000-04:00

How is it that as we get older we act more and more like children? Is it becasue we wake up one morning and realize that the life of a child is more simple and we want to go back to that, or is it beacuse we never really grow out of our childish tendencies? I'm kind of thinking that for most people it's the latter. There have been several instances lately where the people around me who I generally associate with being adults have miraculously transformed into eight year olds before my eyes. And that gets me to thinking....have they always been that way and I just didn't notice, or is it only under certain circumstances that these infantile qualities rise to the surface.

I know there is some kind of saying about how there is a child in all of us, but shouldn't that mean that we all possess the carefree, simple pleasures kinds of child rather than the whiney brat, I need to get my way and if i don't I will have a temer tantrum kind of child in us????

I don't know what the answer is, but until someone tells me, I'm going to go in my room and lock the door and not come out.

So there.

Blonde Moments

2006-08-10T15:33:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had one of those days where you have more blonde moments than you do brain cells? I know you would never admit it so I won't wait for an admission. But I would like to confess something to you, something that I had always hoped would be taken to my grave with me. However, in light of recent events, it has become clear to me that I can no longer hide behind the facade of my naturally brown hair.

I, Theresa, am a dumb blonde.

Now I'm not the "is chicken of the sea chicken or tuna" type of dumb blonde. Nor am I the suicide by smelling a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool kind as the joke would imply. No, I am the worst kind of dumb blonde. I'm the kind that can go for years without incident, perfectly free to live my smart-ass, brown haired life. Then suddenly, without any warning and due to circumstances beyond my control, I have.....blonde moments. The kind that where the severity of my stupidity is made known to the world and I am helpless in my efforts to rise above it.

I cannot tell you the things I've done. Allowing people to have the knowledge that I am so susceptible to moments such as these is embarrassment enough. Just know that in the past week, nay the past 36 hours I have experienced two truley perixode induced moments that will live in infamy for days to come.

And now if you will excuse me, I must needs go and hide my blonde roots.

Weird Hobbies

2006-08-07T14:13:00.000-04:00

Do you ever wonder why people have weird hobbies? I'm not trying to make some sort of profound point out of this, I was just wondering if you have ever looked at something someone else really enjoyed collecting and went, "huh, well that's weird." I have this happen to me quite often and quite frankly I don't understand it.

I am an avid collector of print socks. And I am not ashamed to admit it either. I have not counted all of the pairs of socks I own, but I do know that they don't all fit in my sock drawer if they are all clean. Recently an aquaintance of mine made the comment, "so what do you do when you are wearing sandals, keep a pair of socks in your purse?" I think he was doing it to be obnoxious, but I don't care because I am not one to get my feelings hurt over something that petty. And the reason his remark did not bother me is simple....I love my socks. They are the one thing that I can were on a daily basis that does not have to be bound by the rules of fashion. My socks do not have to match my outfit. I can wear watermelon socks with brown pinstrip pants and no one can tell me that I am not coordinated. Not only that, but it makes me happy to know that I am wearing at leat one article of clothing that allows me to express my creativity without absurdly drawing attention to myself. Oh and I have enough socks so that I only have to do sock laundry maybe three or four times a year. For someone who hates doing laundry as much as I do, I consider that to be a good thing.

There are a lot of people out there who have crazier hobbies than collecting socks. Some people people collect rocks, some people collect furniature, and there are even people who collect body parts from their victims (you know who you are). So before you look at me like I am a sock freak from Mars, examine your own weird hobbies and embrace them. Once you do you will finally be able to embrace them in others. :-)

It's a Small World, Afterall

2006-08-03T14:07:00.000-04:00

When I was a kid the world was massive. It took two whole hours to drive all the way to the far away land of Connecticut to visit my grandfather. I won't even mention the expedition to Virginia to visit my cousins that was worthy of any Oregon Trail. In other words, the world used to be a big, big place. And I new it must be big because the kids I went to school with didn't even know the kids who lived on my block....that's how big the world was in those days. People didn't even know the other people that lived within a two mile radius of each other.

Now that I have hit the age of 22 and am ancient, I see that the Disney themepark ride with the scary little singing Dutch children was entirely true all along. Not only is driving for two hours nothing to me anymore, but I am realizing that through this modern invention called the internet, I am able to reconnect with people I forgot had existed. I also thought that I was the only one in the world who knew the people I knew, and now I know that other people's freinds know my friends. Confused? Allow me to give an example. When I went down to Texas to go to school, I thought I was getting away from everyone and everything previously connected with me. Afterall, every other time I moved to a new state that was the case. SO I move to Texas, where a friend of one of my closest friends lives accross the street from me. So far not too freaky. Well, a guy who is friends with this dude's roommate comes over and introduces himself, So we're talking, talking, and then I find out he went to a particular college in California. I knew a couple of guys who went there way back in the day so I asked him if any of them went to school with him. He says yeah he knows those guys. So I start to get the whoa-that-a-little-weird-but-kind-of-cool feeling about me until he says that he went to a particular high school. At that point my friend says he went to college on the other side of the country with people who went to that high school and asks if he knows the people he knows. And dude says yes! So here we have this random guy who knows people I know who live in NC but went to school in CA and knows people my friend knows who went to high school in PA but went to college in VA with a guy from Indiana who is now living in Texas!!!

And that is just the beginning. I recently foung several people that I grew up with through several internet venues and found out that several of them are friends with each other now who never went to the same school and didn't live in the same neighborhood. And you don't even want to know all of the intricate details of it, trust me it will make your head spin.

This is all too much for me. I mean, I like knowing people and all but this is kind of ridiculous. I don't think there is any place I can go in this country and know absolutely no one.

It's A Small World, Indeed.

That's why I'm moving to Jupiter.

Co-Workers

2006-08-02T15:25:00.000-04:00

The people you work with can get to be like your family.....I mean, you spend more of your waking hours with these people than with the ones you love. They know every meal you ate today, they know when your son's soccer game is on Saturday, and what you bought at the grocery store. You talk to them about everything going on in your life, what movies you saw this past weekend, what the President said in his address today, hell, you even talk to them about what the doctor said that rash on your back could be. These people have become your home away from home. You are bonded to these people by ties that can never be broken, well until one of you leaves the cohabitat that is you office, of course. But even then, if they particularly liked you, they will keep in touch, continuing meet you for lunch dates and shopping trips. You will still probably be invited to someone's daughter's wedding. These people have weirdly become your family. You probably know more about them then you do your family and they definitely know more about you. . . which is why they can get on your nerves so easily. And its days like today when they are really getting on my nerves. It almost makes me want talk to my mother.

Frivolous Email

2006-07-19T14:07:00.000-04:00

Okay this is totally going to be a major plot point in the season finale of the sitcom I am working on about my office and if I find that someone takes this story from me I will totally kill them.

SO. After a brief hiatus from work, I came back just in time to be part of the subject of the day, (and quite possibly the week when the prez comes back from vacation) all because of one tiny little email.

Let me explain.

In my office the Employee Relations and Outreach Specialist, (yeah I don't know what he does either) in order to boost morale in the office, started a news letter equipped with a tiny error somehwere for ther employees to find. Then the first person to find it gets a 10$ gift card to target or some such. My guess is he wants to make people actually suffer through reading the newsletter, and I was quite frankly very surprised to find that there were many people that fell prey to this trap. Anyway, today everyone was sent an email by this guy which stated:

Congratulations go out to Connie G. (U.S. Patent & Trade Office) who was the first to spot a blooper in the newsletter. She identified the word “it’s” in the NSF article as incorrect; it should have been printed “its”. She has requested, and will receive a gift card from Target.
However, my inadvertent error was in fact, not the intended blooper.
It was Joe B. (Dept. of Homeland Security) who was first to identify the planted blooper in the article about Laverne Douglas. The word “teem” should have been spelled “team”. He too will receive a gift card of his choice.
Congratulations to both winners, I guess I’ll have to be more careful next time.
Thanks for all the response (I got about 15 emails, only Connie spotted the “it’s” mistake, the rest were the “teem” blooper.), be on the look-out next time!

Seems pretty corny and harmless, right? Well it was until one of the guys from my office sent another mass email out to everyone saying:

What do you win if you find a blooper in your emails?
“Congratulations go (should be goes) out to Connie G.”
Haha
Show me the money!

Now I am all for being a smartass, but for the love of all that is holy if you are going to be obnoxious, do it right!!! So, being as this dude has never opened a grammar book in his life, I figureed I would send a friendly little email to him to set him straight....oh yeah, and I also copied all of the people he did so as to properly put him in his place. All I said was:

While I applaud your attempts to gain free stuff, I must point out to you that the sentence was in fact correct in Tony’s email. Though Connie G. was the subject of the email, she was not, in fact, the subject of the sentence. The subject of the sentence was congratulations which is plural, which means that the verbal agreement would not have been goes, (which is the proper use for a singular subject) but rather go (the proper use for plural subject). In order to make goes work the sentence would have gone something like this: Congratulation goes out to Connie G. ………but really why would we only want to send her one congratulation???
Anyway, just thought you’d like to know

After that all the rave reviews started pouring in. People were telling me how funny that was, how it made there day, how they were glad I told him, etc. UNTIL some woman that we are assuming works for us sent us both an email, as well as to everyone else which ever so kindly stated:

Do not send frivolous email messages to me. The Bureau of Labor Statistics frowns on non-business-related emails.
If you have nothing better to do than to send frivolous messages to all employees, ensure than my name is removed from the YRCI-All list.
If I receive any more such frivolous email messages from you, I will file a formal complaint about you.

Talk about someone who can't take a joke. So now this friendly little office banter is something to be frowned upon? I guess it is and I didn't get the memo. My boss has passed my desk several times and given me a funny look of "I am not allowed to approve of what you did but damn was that funny."

I guess I should not have replied to the email, but when you have had the misfortune to actually be educated in the art of proper english grammar, it is important to share the wealth.

And now something that was just a little chuckle and proceed to finish working has caused half of the office to hault all work in order to discuss the joke and the stupid woman who couldn't take it.

Talk about frivolous.

A Happy Ending

2006-07-13T08:26:00.000-04:00

Hurray!!!!! My Co-workers did not kill me!!!!

Breakfast was a success.

After a sleepless night, an empty wallet, and burn marks from bacon grease, I can safely say that my breakfast kicked ass.

I made what I consider to be an omelet made quiche style(ham, bacon, onions and peppers in whatever the hell is used to make quiche), and had a wonderful fruit salad(watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberries, blueberries, cherries and peaches), along with bagels and cream chease and coffee cake. Oh yeah and OJ and Lemonade(which got the complement of "hey, good call on the lemonade"). And, just to be obnoxious, I went into the office of the guy who has all the snacks and put them out on a plate too, which got quite a few chuckles. It sounds good, right? Well it was, if I do say so myself. I don't think that anyone was expecting anything nearly as nice, but I was born to be a hostess, what can I say. I think the thing that impressed them the most was the fact that everything was on nice serving dishes and I already had plates, cups, and silverwear at their disposal(so they did'nt have to go all the way to the kitchen to get it themselves). Two days before this blessed event was supposed to occur, I went back to my parents house and pilfered some of my mom's serving stuff. If there is one thing that I have learned throughout my life, its that presentation IS in fact everything and things that are sub-par are completely overlooked because it is diplayed with a pretty bow attatched to it(how else do you think I got through grade school? Do you think I actually wrote book reports??? Hell no, but everything I did always have a beautifully artistic cover page.....oh, yeah) So I made everything look all nice and pretty and they ooohhhed and aaahhhed and I knew that I was successful, because they already had it in their minds that they were going to like it, being as nothing was in its original container, and I knew at that moment, it could have tasted like shit and they still would have liked it. I am so smart sometimes, I just don't know what to do with myself. As luck would have it everything did actually taste good, which I wasn't expecting but was an added bonus. So all's well that ends well and I don't have to do this for another 6 months!!!

Okay, I know I should probably just post this as its own post, but this will keep me from ranting about it for too long. When I had breakfast set to serve, I sent out an email that said, "breakfast is ready.......abondon hope all ye who partake in it." I thought I was being pretty clever and so did one of the older ladies I work with. EXCEPT that when I walked by her desk she laughed and said to me, "that email was really funny, did you get that from Pirates of the Carribean?"

Pirates?!?!?!?!

I'm sure Dante is rolling in his grave (although to be fair he probably started rolling from the email I sent out but I like to think that it had do to uncontrolable laughter due to my cleverness). I was too dumbfounded to come up with anything to say to her other than, "uh, I actually was taking that from Dante when he goes into Inferno." All I got were blank stares.

Sigh, some people......

Breakfast Club Part 2

2006-07-11T12:38:00.000-04:00

CRAP!!!!

My boss, Rick, just came up to my desk and said tha the was not going to be in the office this Friday and has already missed several breakfasts. Therefore he so kindly suggested that I change breakfast this week to Thursday so as to accomodate him. And several other people said that they are not going to be there Friday. So I sent out an email that that wen tsomething like this:

Dear all:

It has come to my attention that certain people who shall remain anonymous (*cough Rick and Ray, cough*) will not be here on Friday and have requested that breakfast be moved to Thursday this week so as to accommodate said anonymous people. I have taken this request into careful consideration and have made the executive decision to move breakfast to Thursday this week. I am sorry for any inconvenience to anyone, but if you don’t like it take it up with the management.

Yours Truly,

~Theresa, your breakfast hostess with the mostess

So now I have one less day to figure out what to bring for breakfast. They are all expecting me to fail too. They think that I am just going to take food from the vending machine......I'll show them.

Now all i need are ideas for a kickass breakfast.

Help!

The Breakfast Club Revisited.....

2006-07-07T09:26:00.000-04:00

I sit at my desk, thinking about where I will be in one weeks time and it gives me cause for an anxiety attack. I am not, for the most part a spaztic person, but this whole thing has me so nervous that I might have to be hospitalized. But if I am, then they will think that I am faking and the consequenses would be so dire that I might as well just die on the spot so as to avoid a fate worse than an eternity in hell. I am of course referring to the fact that next friday is my day to bring in breakfast for my coworkers.

If I were to tell you that breakfast was the most important meal of the day is the official motto for my collegues would you believe me? or would you think I was merely insane? Because I'm not, except that if you said mentioned said motto to any of these people they would probably day something to the effect of, "you forgot to mention lunch and dinner...and don't forget snacks, they are important too." In case you were wondering, the people in my office like to eat. A lot. Not that anyone is severely overweight, because they are all normal sized healthy people who all work out and all that good stuff. But they are obsessed with food. When you first walk in the door, before you even get to log on to your computer and put your personal effects away, at least three people will ask you if you have eaten breakfast. And if you have what did you eat? And if not did you bring something or were you going to go out and get something. And if so, where? After telling then that you have not eaten yet there will be a general consensus as to where to eat this morning. In the old days, before our office was relocated we would either walk across the street to MacDonalds or around the corner to the bagel bakery, but now there are no shopping centers or food places around so now peole tend to bring breakfast from home. This usually happens between the hours of 7:30 and 9. Around 10, you will start to hear the sounds of feet pass your desk as people go to get a snack from our supplier, a fellow collegue who is the greatest man in the world, for he stocks a cabinet in his office with all kinds of snacks for us to munch on. Beginning around 11:30, you will hear the sounds of people complaining that they are starving and can't wait for it to be lunchtime. Some will be weak and eat right then and there at their desks, and some will be strong and complain for another thirty minutes before going into the kitchen for a nice long leisurely lunch. Aroung 1:30 or 2, the footsteps to the snack cabinet begin again shortly followed by discussions on what the plans for dinner tonight could possibly be. Is the boyfriend cooking for you? Are you and your wife going to that new restaurant? Are you having friends over and making a big meal? Then the next day upon arrival at work, and after the morning grilling regarding breakfast, discussions about the adventures of the previous night's meal commence. This is the way my office operates. They have made food the focus of their lives, probably because work is so boring that they have nothing better to do.

The tradition in this office is that every friday, one person brings in breakfast for everyone, and if you participate in eating breakfast, you must participate in brinig in breakfast. There are about twenty people who partake in this weekly ritual, so its not really too much to ask to bring in breakfast twice a year, at least in their minds. There are some people who will go all out to the point of bringing in pancake mix and making them right there on the spot as well as having bacon eggs and fruit to go along with it. Then there are people who will pick up a dozen doughnuts and a thing of OJ and expect everyone to be satisfied with it. These people are killed immediately.

If there is one thing these peole like better that eating food it is sharing food. We have potluck lunches every once in awhile where one of the ladies I work with, who has been dubbed "the potluck nazi," goes around asking people what they want to bring. If it is something she does not approve of, she will make them bring something else that she has chosen for them or so help me God and ....I'm sure you get the idea. But what they love even more than that is when someone will bring in a random baked goods item on a random day, I guess it makes them feel loved and appreciated. An example of this happened about a week ago when one of the guys brought back a rum cake from his trip to the Cayman Islands. It was really good and everybody thought he was a hero for bringing in this tasty treat. Or when a guy, who no longer works here, brough in brownies he made especially for the office. They weren't left over from a party like things of that nature usually are, and when he brought in that plate of freshly baked confection... well, needless to say, he was looked upon as a god.

So I hope you are getting the gist that these people are very protective of their food and if there is one thing they hate more than anything in the world, it is someone who won't share food. These people are cosidered to be "bottom-feeders" and if you are ever so unfortunate as to merit that title, you might as well just die on the spot. Not only will you recieve evil death stares when you walk by the kitchen, or anywhere else for that matter, but you are not allowed to eat lunch or associate in any way with the rest of the group, in the hopes that you will be burned to a crisp be the evil rays exuding from the eyes of everyone around you and your remains will be swept up and put in the dumpster for the other bottom feeders to find and eat later, because we want none of you left overs now, thank you.

These people are brutal when it comes to food. At the company picnic at our bosses house, everyone was shoked and appalled at the lack of quality and selection they were subjected to. Not to mention that he lost all respect and credibility as an authority figure. If there is a mutiny one of these days and you find that when you turn on the news they report that a man was mysteriously burned to a crip but no remains were found due to highly suspicous people who swooped in and disposed of them, you will know why. But really can you blame them???

I hope you are beginnign to understand my dilemma. If I don't bring in something that is outstanding for these people to eat, I will be considered a botton feeder for eating all of their food and not putting in equal or more effort into appeasing their ravenous appetites. And we all know what they do to bottom feeders. If they wont even spare the CEO, why on God's green earth would they spare me? And they know that I am a poor college student and they are all highly successful people who are making at least 2 or 3 times what I am making, but to them that is no excuse for not provinging them with their regularly scheduled five star Friday breakfast.

I might as well draw up my will right now.....excuse me.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise...

2006-07-06T08:36:00.000-04:00

After a dear friend of mine recently assisted me with a pretty bizarre request, I have not only come to value the strength of true friendship, but also the value of the Canadian. Yes, my friend is Canadian. I am not afraid to publicly admit that. Not only that but I have been to Canada and survived the experience relatively unscathed (though I can't say my friends experience of having three drama crazed Yankee freinds didn't do him severe psycological damage).

The fact is that there is a war going on in the hearts of the American citizens, and I'm not just talking about the US ones because another friend brought to my attention that Canadians are Americans too. His logic was that we are all on the North American continent and therefore those that live north of our borders are considered to be American, though I highly doubt anyone would hear a Canadian singing "Proud to be an American." In any event, this war dates back to blah blah blah bloop bleep blot blech blah (I could give you the history but seriously you wouldn't get much more out of it than that). No to mention the fact that there are people out there that would do anything to not let people know their true Canadian origins so as to not be ostrasized(I mean seriously, a State called Minnesota??? are they kidding me, where do they come up with this stuff. They are not fooling anyone).

When my friends and I arrived in Canada that cold, rainy, summer evening, we were shocked and delighted that this new country had all of the luxuries that we are used to at home, such as Wal-Mart and that the natives were pleasant and not half-crazed savages that lived in igloos (I think we were also a little dissapointed). And I will admit we did get a little carried away with our delight, even going so far as to ask a random person on the street where the igloos were kept. All in all we had a great time and I am actually kind of surprised that they would cnontinue to let us into the country.

We owe a lot to our Canadian friends. Without them we would not have maple syrup. Or Canadian bacon. Our breakfasts would be sorely lacking, and afterall, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

So I guess what I am trying to say is those of you who are Canadian and even those of you who pretend not to be, thank you.

Oh and my stomach salutes you too. :-)

2006-07-03T11:37:00.000-04:00

Okay, I know I just posted like a minute ago... but these two older ladies in my office just started having a random conversation and I needed to say something about it. First of all let me just say that I work in a very conservative office. I don't really need to go into details about how consservative, just know that is it. So these ladies started talking about this girl who just started working here a couple of weeks ago and were talking about how great and wonderful she is because she shared some fruit or something (in this office sharing food is a big deal). They were talking about how she is such a sweet girl and she is "so cute" and has "classy" and then one of them said, "oh yeah, I would marry her" at which point the other one responded "no, I want to marry her, I always wanted a wife like me." Now, I find this to be absolutely hilarious, especially coming from these two. One of them has a daughter who is a summer intern here, whom she has dubbed "Princess La Vita Loca" on account of her staying out late partying with her friends until the wee hours of 12:30 at night!!
Yeah so to have these two women having faux lesbian discussions the way I do is highly amusing to me. I mean I do it all the time, but I'm in theatre, that's what we do. When you are a 50 year old government worker, I'm pretty sure you don't do that.
At the moment I am sucking the remains of helium out of a balloon left over from someone's birthday and singing like a chipmink...just thought you'd like to know. ;-)

The Chick Flick and the Modern Man

2006-07-03T09:51:00.000-04:00

This morning while I was sitting at my desk avoiding work at all costs, (seeing as it is the day before a national holiday I reserve the right to be paid for a days worth of doing nothing, I mean really, isn't that what the forefathers intended?) and had many interesting encounters already. When I first got to my desk, one of my coworkers, who is in his 60's came up to my desk and told me that he and his wife saw The Devil Wears Prada this weekend and he enjoyed it. Which just goes to show that it doesn't matter how old you are or what kind of important job you have, or even how obnoxious you can be to the CEO and not get fired......when the woman you have vowed to love and honor all the days of you life wants to see a chick flick the only thing you can do is comply. Not only that, but you are stuck seeing it so you might as well make the best out of the situation. Really. Be a man, suck it up and watch the damn movie, cause you might find you actually like it.

I do not understand the mentality that guys have in regards to chick flicks. I mean they are really no different from any other movie. They have the standard conflict, climax and resolution that every decent book or movie since the dawn of time must possess...the only difference is that the conflicts all revolve around finding true love and mushy feelings and beautiful people kissing.

I guess the real problem is that guys in this modern day and age do not really fully develop into manly men comfortable in their sexuallity. Once they reach the age of about 13 they have reached the pinnacle of their maturity. If that is not true, than why is a 40 year old Adam Sandler still making movies where the main source of comedy is not intellecual, but stupid "potty humor" where farting and burping are the height of hilarity....it was funny when I was eight and someone would rip one when the class was quiet and taking standardized tests, but when a 40 year old guy is farting in his bosses face, its just gross. And the fact that guys still think that is funny directly coincides with the fact that they still have that boyish mentality that kissing is gross and girls are gross. Let me put it to you straight: I know you are but what am I!

If you are a guy you are probably hating me for blogging about this, but I don't care because you deserve it. I love all genres of movies, not just the girlie ones. I watch war movies, action movies, westerns, even sci-fi and you know what....they all have kissing in them. One in a thousand movies may be a true "guy movie" where there are no women whatsoever. Behind Enemy Lines is a great compelling movie without any women in the cast, but you know what, none of my guy friends quote that movie, you know what moves they do quote??.....The Princess Bride, which if I am not mistaken, is primarily a love story. So what makes that movie not categorized as a chick flick. I dare you to give me a reason to not label this as a chick flick up there with the likes of While You Were Sleeping and 13 Going On 30, and it better be a good one. Is it possibly because there is a little boy in it who says that kissing is gross? Guess what guys, in the end, he wants his grandpa to finish the story, kissing and all because, deep down inside, he wants to know that there is such a thing as happily ever after. So when you think about it, he was finally able to admit that chick flicks aren't all bad........so why can't you???

Old People Hair

2006-06-30T13:58:00.000-04:00

This was taken opening night of Mary Rose.
I loved the white streaks I got to put in my hair every night.
By the end of the run I had mastered putting the streaks in my hair without taking the curliness out of it. It was also a lot of fun to get in the shouwer each night and watch the water turn from crystal clear to milky white as it ran down the drain in true Psycho fashion. The funny thing about having the grey hair was that everyone would tell me how great I looked with this old people hair.....and that got me to thinking, do I not look good with my regular hair??? Is there something wrong with my hair color that only the effects of severely aging it will make it look better??? I mean, I know that I don't have celebrity hair, but in my defense, I cannot afford a stylist to make me look beautiful every morning. Be that as it may, why do I only get these strange compliments. One time, I walked into the lounge in my dorm and started talking a girl whom I had class with three days a week. So we're talking, we're talking and she says that I look familiar and where has she seen me before. I was inwardly surprised at the fact that she had been sitting next to me for three months and lived in my dorm and I was not recognized by her. So I told her that she either saw me in class or in the play, at which point she says, "Oh, yeah. You played the mom.....I didn't recognize you without the grey hair." DIDN'T RECOGNIZE ME WITHOUT THE GREY!!! Now look at this picture and tell me that if you saw me without the white in it I would look completely unrecognizable. I mean is it magic grey that when infused into my hair I become a giant woodland creature from the blue lagoon?!? Or could it possibly be that I look like said creature the rest of the time and it is only through the magic of stage dye that my true self is revealed.......I don't know. I guess that is one of life great mysteries that will only be revealed to me after I die. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop.

Here I am

2006-06-30T09:56:00.000-04:00

Well, I guess the world really is coming to an end....for I have started a blog. Not only that, but I have also been sucked into the sick cruel world of facebook and myspace. Now I know what you must be thinking and i am here to confirm that the rumers are true......I am INSANELY BORED at work. I have been sitting here for several hours now and .....scratch that, several weeks now and there is no work to be found. Oh sure, everyone else around here has something to do but not me...I mean seriously, I worked here for eight months before going back to school, you'd think that that would count for something, but noooooo. Now I am considered less than a lowly assistant, I am considered a summer intern, and therefore know nothing about anything and am subjected to spending my summer sitting at a desk for eight hours a day doing nothing and hearing crazy people complain while certain people get to spend these glorious months in Colorado performing Shakespeare set in 1930's Hollywood!!! (I'm not bitter, really I'm not)

So after searching the depths of my soul I have decided to establish this blog as an artistic outlet...mostly relating stories of the goings on at my office, some of which are highly unreal and many of you will doubt their authenticity, for my workplace often plays out like a sitcom......but don't get any ideas because I already have a copyrite on everything and thoroughly plan to produce my own sitcom on all of this.